Blog Archives

Just A Thought ("Pretty Ricky" What They Call Him):

11/28/2014

Be leery of a man that refers to himself as "pretty," "sexy," "irresistable," or "a ladies man," on a regular basis. Not only is he (at the very least) a tad bit vain, he's likely both insecure and superficial, and will spend the great majority of you all's relationship in constant competition with you (if not steadily disrespecting you and cheating on you). We all have a type; #IGetIt, but men who require and desire an excess of extra attention, from extra sources (i.e., extra women) will bring nothing but heartache, headache, and chaos into your space. Trust me when I say: HE AIN'T READY!!!!

-Kanika A. Vann
Author, Love: Possible

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Just A Thought (Thanks/Giving):

11/26/2014

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In the spirit of Thanksgiving, name some things you are grateful to have received and/or experienced with your past or present partner.#BeRealisticThough #NoFairyTale #BoguslyUnbelievable #LaLaLand #BSWhat has he/she taught you about yourself, life, or love? How has he/she brought out the best in you? I'm curious to read your perceptions of love.#HollaAtMe

-Kanika A. Vann
Author, Love: Possible

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Just A Thought:

11/25/2014

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Just A Thought (Change or Nah):

11/24/2014

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You can change your panties, but you can't change people. Remember that the next time you try to change your man, the next time you choose to wait in vain for his promises to come to fruition. If he wants to change, he will. If he doesn't, he won't. #RealSimple But if he can't provide you with what you need #DontWait, #DontHoldYourBreath, and #DontWasteYourTime. I guarantee that while you're sitting (or pacing), crying, hoping, and waiting, he's sampling, and enjoying every flavor. My advice then: #StopBeingStupid. Stop investing in men that aren't willing to love you back. And a word to the wise: Maybe THE CHANGE YOU NEED to make is with your thinking, because you have a grand misunderstanding of what love truly is if you (1) fail to love yourself, and (2) stay in a relationship where what you offer is not reciprocated. #UseYourCommonSense #DontBeScurred

-Kanika A. Vann
Author, Love: Possible

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Just A Thought (Shake It Off):

11/22/2014

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Don't play mind games and don't second-guess; don't cry, don't grovel, and try not to stress. When it's time to walk away, mean what you say, and say what you mean. When you know you've given your best, and see that they couldn't care less, just take your bow, and exit stage left. #DONE.#ShakeItOff #Next!

-Kanika A. Vann
Author, Love: Possible

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Just A Thought (Can't Get Over You):

11/20/2014

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Don't fool yourselves into thinking you're over him, when your every thought is him, your every prayer is him, your everything is him. Let's be honest: IF YOU STILL TALK ABOUT HIM, YOU STILL CARE ABOUT HIM!!! If your room is laced with souvenirs from your trips together, and your ringtone is still his favorite song...#SMH ...you haven't left him, even if he's already packed up and left you. [No need to lie. #ItIsWhatItIs.] But MEMORY is, and always has been, a beautiful thing (when you don't fill in the blanks with bullshit). No relationship is ever all bad; there had to be something good we held on to, right? The trick is to NEVER FORGET what made it special, but possessing enough courage and enough strength to NEVER GO BACK to what tore you in two. Memory is our greatest ally; don't hate it; don't wish for the ability to turn it off. It is the basis of our wisdom, the evidence of our observations, and the instrument that protects our hearts from whatever it was or whoever it was that broke it in the first place. Ladies, I know that it's cold out, and winter is the time when everybody wants a body to lean on, love on, etc. But don't go back to basics for the sake of some heat. Get a blanket and turn on your damn space heater, wear two pairs of socks if you have to, and concentrate on you for a change. When the right one comes along, lose the socks, the blanket, and if you're lucky, the bra. But don't lose your mind by going back to bullshit. #ItsNeverWorthIt Time only heals wounds if you let it.

-Kanika A. Vann
Author: Love: Possible

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Just A Thought (You Don't Own Me):

11/18/2014

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Relationship" DOES NOT equal "ownership." You can't conquer his heart trying to control him, and following him or chasing him is a total waste of energy. You're not his mother and he's not your father. Trying to control him then, won't help you if he's not about shit to begin with, so it should never be something we strive for. The better question would be, "Do you trust him?" When he's trustworthy, it doesn't matter where he is or who he's with, because if he truly loves you, he respects you too much to fuck you over.

-Kanika A. Vann
Author, Love: Possible

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Just A Thought (Single Siempre):

11/18/2014

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Courtesy of: Yahoo!

Ok, so I came across this "text" on Yahoo! today. What do you all think of a man (or woman) who breaks up with you over a text message? [Personally, I think it's both childish and inappropriate.] But what about the reasons he lists as being the causes for their separation? It's quite clear that he felt invisible to her [I wonder if he ever mentioned this]. Now, some people will see this woman as one who lacks morals, doesn't appreciate her man, and is mean to animals. But I see a man that settled for a woman he should've never been with; a couple unequally yoked, with so few things in common that they've found very little that brings them together (i.e., they can't grow in their relationship).

1. Not updating your Facebook page to reflect your relationship status may seem sneaky, but it depends on who you're coupled with. If you have a hoe on your hands, just let it go. #LoveTKO [Side note; Why is he FB stalking you? #WTF!] Besides, we've already had this conversation; if he/she can't be trusted...well, you know the rest.

2. Number two on this list, is in fact, a valid reason to break up with someone. Not being or feeling included in their lives likely means they're not claiming you or that you just weren't that important to begin with. The rest of these are a solid combination of unrealistic expectations, idealism, and tomfoolery.

3. Date a man or woman who has a few things in common with you (e.g., shares your compassion for animals). Trust that it makes for a few less arguments when you see eye-to-eye.

4. If you expect to have a successful relationship, you can't disregard your partner, or your relationship. If you do, it means you're not in one. But remember: people need their space and shouldn't be expected to spend every waking moment with you. [You can't smother him/her.] You've gotta have some #Balance.

5. I can admit that I curse like a motherfu%&!# sailor (although, I can turn it off and on), but if the man I'm with doesn't like it, why did he make the choice to stay in my presence? Don't hope that your partner will change. It's very likely they won't; it's who they are. We all have to realize that people are who they are. And if who they are isn't someone you can live with, sorry...(in most cases), it's here to stay. #Next

6. The sexual partners thing is a toss up. Some people care, some don't. But it's very clear that this guy wants his lady to be as close to the "virgin" end of the spectrum as possible. [Unrealistic.]

In the end, he needs a woman who loves cats, spends all of her free time with him, constantly puts their love on display for the world to see, invites him to every social function she attends, does not curse, and has been virtually untouched by other men. [Hey Bobo, I hear Christian Mingle is inexpensive]. People...get your wants in order. You definitely have to have some expectations, some sort of gauge to measure the compatibility of a situation, but damn, some of this shit is entirely asinine. And in love, if it's not realistic, it's probably not possible.

-Kanika A. Vann
Author, Love: Possible

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Just A Thought (SEX Ed.):

11/14/2014

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SEX WON'T SALVAGE UNHEALTHY or UNBENEFICIAL RELATIONSHIPS! So stop trying to convince yourselves otherwise. You can huff and puff until you blow the roof off the sucker, but in the end, be honest in telling yourselves that it won't keep your man. It may delay his exit, it may even prompt him to return on occasion, but it won't secure him for your life, nor make him love you. Girlfriend...TRUST AND BELIEVE THAT I KNOW that the wood might be good, but if he isn't: #DUMPHISASS! #HappyFriday!

-Kanika A. Vann
Author, Love: Possible

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Just A Thought (True Colors):

11/10/2014

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What don't you get? If he'll cheat with you, he'll cheat on you. If he'll lie to get your attention, he'll lie to lay with you. If he only offers you a piece of him, you'll never be at peace with him. It's actually pretty simple ladies; if you willingly buy into his bullshit, you lose the right to complain about the smell. You know when his stories are bogus; when the assurances he's offering aren't genuine, you just want so desperately to believe—in him, in love, in something—that you forget to think. But losing your logic leaves your heart left to pay the price. And it's for that reason, that we have to #ThinkTwice. #UseYourEyes, #UseYourBrain, and #FollowYourIntuition. #YouKnowExactlyWhatItIs

-Kanika A. Vann
Author, Love: Possible

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Author

I, Kanika Vann (writer, author, editor, journalist, poet, publisher, and love enthusiast), created Love: Possible© with the intent to help save my sisters from the unnecessary pain that accompanies the acceptance of confusion, dysfunction, and disrespect in our romantic relationships, but not without calling special attention to our most valuable relationship—the one we have with ourselves.

Subsequently, both my book and my website seek to help salvage our realistic expectations and eliminate our unrealistic beliefs. With these words, I aim to transform misconception into certainty, and disillusion into faith, in hopes that you'll each come to recognize who you are, what you are, and what you deserve.

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