Blog Archives

Just A Thought (It's Complicated; Why?):

10/31/2014

Sooooo....about these "IT'S COMPLICATED" relationship statuses. #Hmmm#WhatDoTheyMeanToYou? That you fight for what you want? That it's#TrueLove? That you're #Loyal to the point of stupidity? Are#WillingToWaitForever? Or would you say that it's just#TooComplicatedForWords? #IHearThatDumpTruckBackingIn [Do you? You should.] To some extent, every relationship is complicated, has its own set of ups and downs, its word battles, its disappointments, and feelings of defeat. But by going the extra mile and claiming to be "on the rocks" rather than "In A Relationship," you're making a statement about what you're experiencing; something that you're not quite ready to acknowledge. So, what are you saying exactly; that you're in a relationship with him, but he's not in one with you? [Then you're SINGLE; it ain't complicated.] Do you mean that one of you is fighting for the relationship and that the other one is flirting outside of it? [Then you're SINGLE; it ain't complicated.] Are you holding on to the illusion of a happily ever after with him/her, and have decided to show your loyalty by setting up shop in spite of how badly he/she treats you or how much he/she embarrasses you? #SMH If its that difficult, just rename it: You're SINGLE. Don't waste time with a partner that's half-ass investing in you. We gotta cut this shit out, man. They either want you or they don't. They desire to be there or they don't. They're gonna be monogamous or they won't. What are you waiting for then? For the lies to stop? For the games to cease? For the playing to slow down? For him or her to make a decision? [I'm just asking you to reassess who you are to your mate.] So let's be honest, in it's current state, where does your relationship lie?#IWantTheTruth #TheWholeTruth #AndNothingButTheTruth

-Kanika A. Vann
Author, Love: Possible

Just A Thought (What A Difference Intent Makes):

10/29/2014

Ladies, please take the time to hear me out: not every man has good intentions, and not every man can love us the way we should be or deserve to be loved, even if we are a "great catch." [It's not rocket science; it's reality.] Your face can be perfect, your body flawless, and your cooking off the chain; you may be successful by every stretch of the imagination, and your bedroom skills could arguably put "Superhead" to shame. But his only intention may be to use you, not love you; his insecurities may put him in constant competition with you, or you're just not his type. [Don't take it personally.] You admit that you've tried to love him; and then him, and even him, but they can't all be "the One," and if you looked a little closer, most should've never had the opportunity to audition. Try to honestly recognize then, in this instance, whether he's "Mr. Right," "Mr. Right Now," or "Mr. Don't Won't Can't Happen Never Ever," because not every man will suit your needs; they weren't all constructed to complement you. They can't all appreciate the way you carry yourself, desire to change the world, or light up a room. Just because you love him doesn't make him strong enough or worthy enough to hold you down, or be in your space. You've got to own that. So stop trying to make square pegs fit into round holes unless, that is, you enjoy the struggle, the time it wastes, and the same, old end result of being broken. #UseYourDiscernment #OnlyLoveCapableMen

-Kanika A. Vann
Author, Love: Possible

Just A Thought (Costly Mistakes):

10/27/2014

One of the biggest, most costly mistakes that women make is that we do everything ass-backwards, in our attempts to obtain relationships.#ThatsANoGo In many instances, we don't require honesty or commitment because we're too afraid to enforce it (although we have no problems bitching about not getting it). We let men do what they want, when they want, yet can't seem to understand why our emotions can't find any stability. We fuck them, THEN expect relationships; have their babies, THEN expect them to put rings on our fingers. Oh, and the icing on the cake; we give them money, THEN expect them to get jobs and/or pay bills. [Shaking my head.] At the rate we're going, men really have no reasons to commit to us, because in our desires to keep them, we haven't made them work for our hearts; we've decided that it's better to just give them every goddamn thing. But we must know that if we hand them everything, serve them everything, and expect nothing more than their presence, we are setting ourselves up for the most epic fail.#WakeUpLadies #HesGottaWorkForYouBoo #ThinkTwice #HeHasToEarnIt You're not in a #Relationship if he's not "with" you. #TeamSameTeam

-Kanika A. Vann
Author, Love: Possible

Just A Thought (Love vs. Presence):

10/23/2014

Even if you wanna make the claim that your love is "unconditional," your presence should not be. You can't just say, "I'm gonna stay, no matter what." If you do, you're asking to be abused. There have to be boundaries set by somebody; a mutual respect held by at least one of ya'll. If not, you're giving your partner free reign to treat you like shit. But what it really is, is that we love how "unconditional love" sounds, when in reality, it's bogus, and we know it. You can't tell me that you'll continue to love him/her, be with him/her, and fight for him/her, when they steal from you, disrespect you, cheat on you, bring crabs to your crotch, or have babies with other people. #Negative You can't tell me that you're willing to love him after he breaks your ribs, or after she's keyed your car for the umpteenth time. #ThatWouldBeAHellNo You can love your man, or give the world to your woman until you're blue in the face, but you can't survive without tending to your own sanity, your own happiness. [Some of ya'll like dysfunction though.] But for the sake of simplifying things, know that if he's not a good man, DUMP HIS ASS, and if she's not quite right, LEAVE HER ALONE. I'm not saying that your love experience will be all butterflies and roses, but it damn sure ain't supposed to be STDs, baby mamas, and bullshit. If you don't stand for something (mainly yourself), just lie your ass on the floor of the garage and let him/her back the car over you a few times. That's all you're doing when you let them mistreat you anyway; treat you like a damn speed bump. They run right over top of your ass, and keep it stepping. You gotta show people how to treat you. So ladies, gentlemen, make sure they know the deal upfront. #UnconditionalMyAss #ReciprocityIsTheCondition If he/she can't love you back, throw 'em the #Deuces.

-Kanika A. Vann
Author, Love: Possible

Just A Thought (Thank You):

10/22/2014

A quick "thank you" to those of you who've supported my work, find the time to read my words, take the time to share and/or comment on my posts, inbox me, give me feedback, encourage me to continue to do what I set out to do, and have allowed my observations and experiences to either lead you to a safe place, or reaffirm that you're in the right place. For that, I admire your courage, your strength and your willingness to alter your circumstances, your choice to utilize your logic, and your decision now to only accept what you deserve. Each of you is proof that love; real love, is possible.

-Kanika A. Vann
Author, Love: Possible

Just A Thought (Lowered Expectations...Uh, No):

10/21/2014

You tell me you feel like shit; like nothing; that you're incomplete without him. But what difference does it make if you feel like shit; like nothing, and are incomplete while you're "with" him? You hold on to him for the sake of "having a man." You carry around the weight of a heavy heart to save face, and have convinced yourself that it's okay to feel empty and be unhappy, because having a piece of him is better than having none of him; because having a piece of him matters more than your peace of mind. But how much sense does that really make? When will you choose to rally for your heart the same way you rally for his? In all honesty, for as much as you think you love him, it's quite impossible that you do. Ladies [I'm gonna write this in BOLD so that you understand], YOU CAN'T POSSIBLY LOVE HIM WHOLLY WHEN YOU'VE YET TO LOVE YOU. #BeStrong #ItsOkayToWalkAway #YouHaveToMatterToYouToo

-Kanika A. Vann
Author, Love: Possible

Just A Thought (Insecurity Kills...):

10/19/2014

INSECURITY KILLS ALL THAT IS BEAUTIFUL. So there is absolutely no room, space or place for it in our relationships. No need to be insecure or suspicious, just honest about the man or woman you're in the room with; the man or woman you claim to be in love with. Why doubt them if they love you the right way? [Nothing kills relationships faster than distrust.] Why turn yourselves into Inspector Gadget, if they prove to be deserving of your heart? [If they can't be trusted, why are you with them? Trying to regulate everything they do won't stop them. It'll just cause a collision.] Problem is; we settle for relationships that aren't deserving of our hearts, and thus, spend the majority of those relationships attempting to convince ourselves of a love that is lacking. It takes a whole lot of time to try and contain someone, chase someone, or clock their every move. Likewise, the energy it takes to go through their shit, Insta-stalk them on social media, or slow creep past their house at night, would be better spent loving someone better able to give you what you give them. So please don't waste time on someone who never will.#BeSmart. Know who you're dealing with, and be honest about who and what that is. But know that INSECURITY IS A TOTAL WASTE OF YOUR TIME.#DontSecondGuessIt #TheyLoveYouOrTheyDont

-Kanika A. Vann
Author, Love: Possible

Just A Thought (Say What):

10/16/2014

#SayWhat Ladies, men change when they're ready, grow up when they're ready, and see you when they're ready (which may mean you become the next man's prize). #EveryManAintGrown #DontPutYourLifeOnPauseForHimYour "pretty" won't force his transformation; your vagina won't make him change his ways, and no matter what your auntie says, your famous fried chicken won't make him surrender his collection of dolls. #TrustMe #HearMe

And brothers, SHE WILL WALK OUT ON YOUR ASS!!! A whole lot of men have had to learn this lesson the hard way. Ask R. Kelly!!!!#WhenAWomansFedUp #AintNothingYouCanDoAboutIt So cherish her while you have her, because once she's done with you, she's done with you, giving the next man nothing but space and opportunity to sweep her off her beautifully manicured feet. #YourLongStrokeWontFixIt #ListenToMe #BelieveIt

-Kanika A. Vann
Author, Love: Possible

Just A Thought (And Yet Another Reason to...DUMP HIS ASS):

10/15/2014

If you're in a "relationship" with him and he isn't all about you, he isn't about you at all. You should never enter into a relationship with a man who is willing to half-ass a relationship with you. #NEVER!!! Don't settle for a piece of him (#UnderNoCircumstances), when you deserve his all. Together, the two of you should bring out the best in each other, not the mess in each other. So, just a heads up for you: If your union has brought out the County Jail in each other, the insecurity in each other, or the jealousy in each other...wheew-weee; baby, DUMP...HIS...ASS!!!! There can't be proof of love in public, with acts of disrespect in private. Trust me, when I tell you that it always ends badly when he acknowledges his relationship in front of you, but can't wait to be single when he's away from you. Ladies, if when you're with him you're hearing his excuses, juggling his multitude of issues, dealing with his games, and are trying make sense of his lies, or justify his disappearing acts, DUMP HIS ASS!!!! #ItsSimple #IfHeCantShowYou #HeCantLoveYou #AndWont

-Kanika A. Vann
Author, Love: Possible

Just A Thought (Show Me):

10/14/2014

Enough talk, let him show you. That's all real devotion entails—the action, not the talk.

-Kanika A. Vann
Author, Love: Possible

Author

I, Kanika Vann (writer, author, editor, journalist, poet, publisher, and love enthusiast), created Love: Possible© with the intent to help save my sisters from the unnecessary pain that accompanies the acceptance of confusion, dysfunction, and disrespect in our romantic relationships, but not without calling special attention to our most valuable relationship—the one we have with ourselves.

Subsequently, both my book and my website seek to help salvage our realistic expectations and eliminate our unrealistic beliefs. With these words, I aim to transform misconception into certainty, and disillusion into faith, in hopes that you'll each come to recognize who you are, what you are, and what you deserve.

Categories

Archives

April 2017
March 2017
February 2017
January 2017
December 2016
November 2016
September 2016
August 2016
July 2016
June 2016
May 2016
April 2016
March 2016
February 2016
January 2016
December 2015
November 2015
October 2015
September 2015
August 2015
July 2015
June 2015
May 2015
April 2015
March 2015
February 2015
January 2015
December 2014
November 2014
October 2014
September 2014
August 2014
July 2014
June 2014
May 2014
April 2014
March 2014
February 2014
January 2014
December 2013
November 2013
October 2013
September 2013
August 2013
July 2013
June 2013
May 2013
April 2013
March 2013
February 2013
January 2013
December 2012
November 2012
October 2012