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Just A Thought (Wrong Reasons): 

9/27/2015

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When you enter into a relationship, stay in a relationship, or marry for the wrong reasons:
(1) To obtain a Green Card.
(2) Because he/she is rich.
(3) Because your mom is nagging you. 
(4) Because he/she has curly hair or pretty eyes.
(5) Because you'll get a tax break if you ‪#‎marry‬ him/her. 
(6) You're tired of ‪#‎dating‬. 
(7) You have 3 kids and think you can't do any better. 
(8) The house you want takes two incomes to afford. 
9) You don't want to ‪#‎work‬.
(10) Because he/she said so. 
(11) Your biological clock is ticking.
(12) You made a ‪#‎pact‬ that if you hit 40 and still weren't married, you'd get together and marry each other. 
(13) Because how many more chances do you really have? [The third times the charm, right?]
(14) Your credit score is 417 and his is 820. OR she's driving a‪#‎RangeRover‬ and you're driving a ‪#‎Rodeo‬. 
(15) You truly believe he/she will change. 
(16) You want a ‪#‎wedding‬. 
(17) All of your friends are married or in relationships.
(18) Because he/she asked. 
(19) You don't have shit else to do.
(20) Because you eventually want free gifts and a vacay like all the other people on ‪#‎Facebook‬ and ‪#‎Instagram‬.
(21) Because you get ‪#‎attention‬.
(22) You want to go on the couple's trip.
(23) Because you think that real life is a ‪#‎Disney‬ movie. 
(24) Because you're envious of ‪#‎KimKardashian‬, ‪#‎JanetJackson‬,‪#‎HalleBerry‬, and ‪#‎JLo‬ (hold up; wait; bad examples...sorry). 
(25) To get back at your ‪#‎ex‬. 
(26) You don't want anyone else to have him/her.
(27) You had a kid (or kids).
(28) You can't tell the ‪#‎truth‬.
(29) Because you could. 
(30) You're afraid to break up.
(31) You love his/her ‪#‎family‬.
(32) You didn't want to hurt his/her ‪#‎feelings‬. 
(33) You're ‪#‎bored‬. 
(34) You're waiting for Mr. Right/Mrs. Right.
(35) Because you can't be ‪#‎alone‬.

In real life, you want a ‪#‎relationship‬ with someone who's the combination of a friend, lover, confidant, protector, and support system. Someone with similarities and differences. Someone who's kind and funny, with morals and good intentions. Someone that reciprocates your love. Someone who you can share both trust and fidelity with. But this shit here, ain't that. The look in her says, "What have I done?" Love should be the ingredient that maturity, compatibility, preparation, sincerity, monogamy, discipline, and honesty hold onto. And if you are with him/her for reasons 1-35 (or any other sinister shit I didn't list) you've already made a big mistake. ‪#‎FixIt‬...‪#‎BeingAloneIsOk‬; ‪#‎FindARealConnection‬ and ‪#‎RealLove‬ with a ‪#‎Ready‬man/woman.
-Kanika A. Vann
Author, Love: Possible
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Just A Thought (Man=Man): 

9/21/2015

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Let that man be a man. Let that man play his part. I don't prescribe to the notion of a man being in charge of a woman, but there are times when you have to trust him and his intentions enough (if he's trustworthy) to follow him, just as there are times when he has to put his ego aside and follow you. In relationships, we have partners, not parents. We have teammates, life mates, not competition or rivals. So you've got to let him do his part; you can't be him and you. Let him work. Let him add to you. Let him help you. Let him uplift you. He has a role in this relationship too. If he can't elevate you, he is a waste of time. Let him love you; and you in turn, have a responsibility to do the same.
​
-Kanika A. Vann
Author, Love: Possible
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Just A Thought (TBT; 2013)

9/17/2015

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If you don't have reciprocity, compromise, or sacrifice in your relationship, you don't have a relationship. No need to second-guess it (you know what it is). If you have to track him down, go out looking for him, or make him/beg him to come home, he's not yours. If you have to check his trunk, hack into his Facebook account, smell his dick or inspect his drawers, he...is...not...yours! If he hides you from his friends or family, has a wife, girlfriend, or other lovers on the side, he's not yours. Don't drive yourself crazy baby; he just doesn't want to be with you (not exclusively, anyway)! And from the sound of it, he's not worthy enough to be there (that, or you're crazy). Ladies please, please get it through your heads, that if he does not love you willingly (without ultimatum, pressure, or trickery), HE IS NOT YOURS! ‪#‎Just‬ walk away: no bats, no bruises, no blasts on social media. If he can't love you wholly, you don't need him. Shit, Tupac told us this back in '93. If he can't/won't compromise, do you think it will change? [In my Oprah Winfrey/Ms. Sophia voice] Hell...naw! Simply put, if he isn't willing to give up the bullshit so that your heart may know and understand the measure of real love, why are you still sitting there wondering what you can do to fix him? ‪#‎Bounce‬ ‪#‎TBT‬ #2013
​

-Kanika A. Vann
Author, Love: Possible
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Just A Thought (Let Me Count the Ways): 

9/16/2015

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Strong men want strong women, but insecure men gravitate toward insecure women. And why do you think that is? ‪#‎LetMeCountTheWays‬!!!! If a man has no desire to elevate himself, he'll have no desire to elevate you. If he is content with nothing, what do you think you should expect him to offer you? And why would anyone want to be with someone who has zero drive to add to themselves? ‪#‎Ijs‬... If you bask in his insecurity, in his nothingness, in his jealousy, or his foolishness, good luck trying to save him. And I pray that you're not waiting on him to rescue you.‪#‎YouJustMightDrownToo‬.

-Kanika A. Vann 
Author, Love: Possible

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Just A Thought (Cousin "IT"): 

9/14/2015

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If he cannot and/or will not fulfill your ‪#‎realistic‬ ‪#‎relationship‬‪#‎requirements‬, don't just sit there hoping and waiting for him to change. It's real simple: ‪#‎WalkAway‬. If you have to beg for affection, act out to get‪#‎attention‬, or ‪#‎negotiate‬ to get his ‪#‎cooperation‬, he's not "IT." You can't be afraid to start over. And being ‪#‎single‬ is definitely not the worst thing you can be. If he makes you question what you're doing with him, where you stand with him, or how you got "here," ‪#‎DumpHisAss‬!!! ‪#‎Now‬!!! Life is too damn short to play "Ring Around the Rosies," with someone who could care less if you fall down. ‪#‎LetItGo‬.

-Kanika A. Vann
Author, Love: Possible

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Just A Thought (TBT): 

9/10/2015

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We can't mistake lust with appreciation. A man's desire of you doesn't guarantee that he values you--your mind, your smile or your presence. Just because he wants you physically doesn't automatically equate to his knowledge of your worth or that he gives two shits about it. ‪#‎TBT‬ #2013

-Kanika A. Vann
Author, Love: Possible

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Just A Thought (Extended Stay): 

9/9/2015

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Stop thinking that staying with a ‪#‎man‬ through his nonsense, only to be chosen when he's "done," makes you loyal. Stop thinking that because you hold him down when he fails to hold up his end of the bargain will make him respect you more. ‪#‎ItWont‬!! Stop accepting his ‪#‎bullshit‬ and convincing yourself that he wouldn't keep dealing with you if he didn't‪#‎love‬ you. *Rolls eyes* ‪#‎ItsFuckingBulllshit‬!!! Women love so hard, and often, so ‪#‎stupidly‬. Women love soooo hard, and usually, quite unreasonably. We have to learn to only let ourselves love men that are willing to love us in return. Heartbreak follows us because we make poor choices; because we refuse to use our ‪#‎God‬-given common sense. He‪#‎cheats‬, because you'll stay either way, and he lies because ‪#‎truth‬ has never been required of him. Stop letting him treat you like shit, and let a more prepared man, a more ready and ‪#‎emotionally‬ steady man ‪#‎protect‬your ‪#‎heart‬.

-Kanika A. Vann
Author, Love: Possible

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Just A Thought (Basket Full of BS): 

9/4/2015

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Ladies, please let this be your criteria when you're out shopping. Stop putting ‪#‎BS‬ in your basket. ‪#‎IfHesNotAllTheWaySingle‬ ‪#‎KeepWalking‬. Save yourself some heartache, the headache, and a trip or twenty to CVS from those bumps he'll be sure to leave you with if you indeed choose to pass go. ‪#‎Pause‬... ‪#‎FreeYourself‬

-Kanika A. Vann
Author, Love: Possible

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Just A Thought (Crumb Snatchers): 

9/2/2015

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Stop waiting for your ‪#‎phone‬ to ‪#‎ring‬. Stop hoping that he sees the light. Stop hoping that she cheats on him with a basketball player, so that he comes running back to you. Why would you want your love or your worth to be an after thought? Why would you want to be his second ‪#‎choice‬? And why is it okay to be "the ‪#‎result‬" but not the ‪#‎reason‬? I keep telling ya'll about these ‪#‎crumbs‬. You deserve so much more than the bare minimum when you're giving your all. You don't deserve to be strung along, ‪#‎lied‬ to, and disappointed, or ‪#‎cheated‬ on, played with, and‪#‎disrespected‬. So stop accepting it!!!

-Kanika A. Vann
Author, Love: Possible

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    Author

    I, Kanika Vann (writer, author, editor, journalist, poet, publisher, and love enthusiast), created Love: Possible© with the intent to help save my sisters from the unnecessary pain that accompanies the acceptance of confusion, dysfunction, and disrespect in our romantic relationships, but not without calling special attention to our most valuable relationship—the one we have with ourselves.

    Subsequently, both my book and my website seek to help salvage our realistic expectations and eliminate our unrealistic beliefs. With these words, I aim to transform misconception into certainty, and disillusion into faith, in hopes that you'll each come to recognize who you are, what you are, and what you deserve.

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